When you can’t recall nouns, especially proper ones? I came across an old article about the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon [1] which is something I refer to regularly as, you know, when you become aware of something and it’s everywhere (which is close, but not quite spot-on, its true definition: “… once we notice something for the first time (or for the first time in a while) that all of a sudden it seems to be creeping up everywhere.” (From [1]).

I talk about this frequency illusion often enough (at least once a quarter, probably more often?) But because I also struggle with nouns (especially proper nouns like those two names ‘Baader’ and ‘Meinhof’) I tend to just wave my hands and stumble through half a definition.

I’m hoping that, by writing a brief note about it here, I can both help people see a side of their cognition that may surprise them, as well as to finally put a name to it, in my own mind, at least.

[1] https://poly.land/2018/12/02/wow-i-literally-was-just-talking-about-this-and-now-its-everywhere-i-look/

As part of working my way through The Self Confidence Workbook (as I also mentioned in a recent tweet), the authors Markway and Ampel (M&A) recommend the reader connect with their values. So I decided I, as an enthusiastic reader, should connect with MY values! Well … I realized that first, I needed to discern my values! So I spent some time thinking about them. Because I found the Self Confidence Workbook and this exercise valuable, I have since decided to share the result of that exercise while describing some highlights of the process I went through to develop a list of values, here, and some of my thoughts throughout. This ended up appearing more free-form than essay; more train-of-thought than structured…and I hope it’s not too confusing, in the end. Feel free to comment with your opinions or any clarifications required!

In the Self Confidence Workbook, M&A describe confidence as “…a choice to take steps to act in line with your values.” I particularly enjoy their spin on the matter over my prior, internal (admittedly simplistic) definition, where confidence is “when someone acts as if uncaring or unbothered by their current context.” My old definition leaves a lot to be desired, if I examine it in much detail, especially as I used two negatives to describe a positive. Mathematically that works, but logically it presents difficulties.

M&A go on to say, “…confidence roots you in who you really are. You’ll be able to accept your weaknesses, knowing they don’t change your self-worth… Your actions will be in line with your principles, giving you a greater sense of purpose… you’ll be able to let your best self shine through.” Ok, now I’m really excited! I realized after reading this passage that the values exercise builds on my personal learnings from another book I greatly enjoyed, which also inspired the title of this post, Start with Why. Knowing the Why behind my actions and choices gives my life purpose, and values — and also makes me a more confident person. Cool!

So here goes — I’m sharing with you Internet strangers, family, friends, and fans my Why, my principles, and my purpose…Hopefully to make myself more confident, among other things!

When I’m at my best, I try to cultivate the following traits and habits: offering the world radical acceptance, loving-kindness, and unconditional support (meeting people exactly where they’re at); presenting an ever-questioning mind; unwavering belief in human ability for hyper-growth; a certain dedication to life-long learning and improvement; all while holding relentlessly high standards throughout.

None of this allows me to roll over for the critics, nor even lets me pay them any mind (though I’m tempted, always tempted, to spend mental cycles trying to figure out what the haters want). Say “no thanks!” to the bullies and the people who want to cut others down. Never forget the wise words of the wonderful RuPaul, “Unless they are paying your bills…pay them bitches no mind.”

Am I confident yet? 🙂